Don't wait for life to be perfect, let go of control.

Sometimes we have a tendency to wait doing what we really want to do, because we think a lot of things have to be perfect first. We think that if we have enough money, or we don’t have that draining job, or have the perfect relationsship, then we can do whatever we like.

But it’s an illusion. Because if you have this “everything gonna be perfect, when this and this happens perception”, it will never happen.

In life I have seen a pattern, that there is always something missing. Never have I experienced a lifesituation where everything was “perfect”.

I might have been very happy in a relationsship, and I might have felt fulfilled in my job, but then I was unsatisfied with where I lived. Or I might have been happy where I lived and happy with my job, or was going towards a dream ,but then the relationsship ended, or some conflicts with my family.

But is it life or your own perception that’s due to this? I think that if we all the time has this fixed perception about how our life is going to look like when it’s perfect, it never will. Because life will never be fixed, will never be an image. It’s movement. It’s to be in it right now. It’s not to be in it tomorrow.

So you might reach your perfect life image, but then you might have changed in the meantime, and what you once dreamt about, is not aligning with where you are now. So even if all your dreams would be real, it’s not a garanti that you will feel happy in that reality.

Because if all the outer things would be perfect, as you imagined. If you are not present in that reality, or are honest with who you are, it will never feel right.

Why not just say that it will never be “perfect”, so what?? Are you abel to be happy in the “not perfect”, can you have a happy moment in the “not perfect”

I think I have a very precious gift. Haven’t really thought about it before as a good quality. But from I was a child, I have always been abel to be in the middle of whatever situation I was in, and be creative. I have always had this urge to create. I could sit for hours making drawings, or small worlds on an empty bookshelf. A whole universe under a table. Also in my studio, it’s not so organized, I don’t really care about the surroundings as long as I can create. I don’t wait. I don’t wait for being ready, I just do it, because I need to be in that space. It’s recharging. It’s to be in the now.

But I do know, this feeling of waiting to do things, because I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel I deserve to do what I want.

But it’s a kind of control mindset. We want everything planned before we can do something. You set your own limits.

You decide what you can and what you can’t do. So why not do what you really want to do now? Today?

All what I write, is all the time around being in the moment. About being connected to the heart, connected to a place without judgement. When we are in the mind we judge all the time. We judge ourselves and other people. We judge our lifesituation. We judge our art. We judge other peoples art. We compare. We divide. We criticize. It’s exhausting to be in the mind all the time, and it’s exhausting to trying to be perfect all the time.

To make art is a kind of oasis, it’s an oasis from the mind. It’s an opportunity to be in the moment. If you dare.

How can we learn not to be in the mind? Not having to be perfect? not having to judge ourselves and others.

shaking

I love to see children doing art. Children playing around. They don’t have this mind set about being perfect. They just are. They don’t care about being messy. They play with seriousness, it’s important business. What I remember most from childhood, is this feeling of being disturbed. All the time, I had to do things I didn’t like to do. Then it was eating time, then we was going out on visit, then we had guests, then I had to go to school. Always interuptions. All I wanted was to be playing and creating. I really didn’t liked to be told what to do. I think that’s something we all can recall.

To be perfect is for me to be real. Not to put myself in a box, not to show only the nice facade and hide all the dirtyness and all the shadows under the carpet. It’s exhausting to try to be that perfect person all the time, and it’s very exhausting to be around people, who has this very perfect facade. I just feel very uncomfortable when I come into this kind of perfect home you see in the magazines, or theese perfect looking people with perfect clothes. Everything about them seems like something cutted out of a magazine. It makes everybody else filled with flaws. You just begin to see yourself through their eyes and you feel judged.

It’s the same with your artwork, what is a perfect artwork?? It’s the same as real people, people who can show and embody themselves in their wholeness. People who dare to be insecure, vulnable and true. People who dare to be unique and follow their own voice instead of the voice of the main stream culture. So to be perfect is to be you. It’s following your own feelings, your own guidance. It’s not to follow other peoples rules or control the outcome. How can you control life?? It’s not possible.

Marie J.Engelsvold. Sculpture play. 2019

Another thing to this mind set about perfectionism, is control. We want to know and control the results, we want to reach a certain destination. Why not let it all be, and see what happens. When you try to control the situations and your artwork, you close yourself of being alive. Yes, I actually think it’s true. We are not really alive when we try to control every aspect of our life. Our art work will not be alive, if we try to control every stage of the process.

But why is it so difficult to let go of control? Because you have to stay true, you have to stay awake. You can’t just go about your days, as an empty robot. You have to embrace every minute. To stay open to all possibilities. To be new in every moment.

Staying in control and perfection mode is actually to close yourself down. I have experienced, that you also close yourself to other people. You can’t receive anything from anybody, if you all the way stay in your control mode. Besides, life gets really boring.

I just want to say, I think it’s freaking scary too. I mean I’am not perfect about being not perfect……this control mode is a monster which is implanted deep down in our beings….so don’t be too hard on yourself and your artwork.

A good way is to begin to notice how it feels to be in control and perfect mode, and how it feels to be free of that mind set. Because then you can begin to work on shifting back to being alive.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you are creating.

Is this really making me feel alive, does this makes me feel full of passion and joy??

Is everything planned?? Do I know the result??

Do I let myself stay open to all possibilities.

How does it make me feel, to not knowing the result??

How can I stay open to trust the whole process??

How can I feel safe in the middle of chaos?

How can I let go of control??

Is this really fun??

Why am I doing this??

Yes, that’s a good question. Why are you doing art??

I guess you can come up with a lot more questions, make some notes. Be more observant about how you are feeling during the day.

Hope you can use what I write. I write because its a way for me to stay in tune about the small issues that can disturb the process. I like to find out what is triggering me, so I can stay free, to be me.

Have a very nice day, stay alive.:-)

Hope you could use these tips.

I’am sharing this information to you freely, from my own experiences. Hope you can use it in your own process. Any donation, is deeply appreciated. :-)

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